Kids And Responsibility
If you have children, I am sure you are aware of how overwhelming it is to get them to pick up after themselves. Toys, books, clothes, backpacks, dishes left everywhere make mama a little crazy, and it can be hard to figure out where to put your focus and energy. We all only have so much to give throughout the course of the day, and so we need a strategy. My mother's counsel was to focus on teaching them to pick up the items that would be life-long tasks. Teach them to clear their place at dinner. Teach them to fold and hang clothes and to put them in the hamper when they are dirty. The toys will eventually take care of themselves with a lot less prodding as they feel the sting of toys that get ruined, and especially as they take on the responsibility of coveted items like ipods and laptops. It is a lot more likely that your adult son will leave his socks on the floor than whatever comes along to replace blu-ray machines.
We have started focusing on more grown up tasks for Jonas. He making a lasagna while I am typing this (in the same room, don't worry!) and he just came in from finishing up learning how to start seeds for the garden he will be weeding this summer. We have also decided that he will be washing his own clothes most of the time from hereon out. Yes, he's only eight. Yes, he will still have time to play. But I only have ten more years to make him into the kind of man worth marrying and there are an awful lot of lessons to cram into those years. Think of how much more he can accomplish in his young adulthood if he isn't scrambling to learn the basics?
And think of how much more I can accomplish with him taking care of these things!
Another thing my mother taught me about creating these good cleaning habits with kids (particularly the leaving a trail problem) is that you have to inconvenience them. If they are busy and you come across their stuff, don't pick it up for them! Call them in and have them do it before they go back to whatever was keeping them busy. It takes longer at first, but it will create better habits in the end.
When everyone pitches in at home, there is more harmony in the home. There is a respect for others being developed, as well as the habits that make a productive contributor to society.
Do you have any tips, tricks or lessons learned pertaining to teaching kids responsibility at home? I'd love to hear!
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You are awesome.
< ![CDATA[We have done the "inconvenience them" trick as well. When they come and "put it away" somewhere that is still not its home, we have them come back again and try again! Eventually they do get the message. Alas, it does not seem to stick with them for long but I know that it will in the end. I was very messy as a child, always having heaps of stuff on my bedroom floor. As an adult, I keep the house quite tidy, not impeccable, but perfectly presentable.
As far as regular chores, they are always expected to clear their own dishes and help with the condiments. Our two boys also have to empty the dishwasher and fold the laundry. They take turns doing these chores and our 13 year old is finally getting the hang of folding the clothes the way we like. The 11 year old still folds them his own way but they are at least folded. We considered having them do their own laundry but it is easier to do it when we have the clothes all together and can sort the clothes more easily. That said, they do know how to run the machines which is more than a lot of children.
Both of my boys also know how to cook and they love to do it. I do think it is important for children to learn these basics because it will prepare them for later on.]]>
< ![CDATA[One of the things that I think is important is consistency. The gal at the Playland at our local Fred Meyer (grocery store) told me that I was the only mother who made her kid pick up the toys before we left the Playland. It just blows my mind. One, it's only polite to do so and two, they need to get into the habit of picking up there so they will pick up at home too.
Our oldest is four so he's not quite able to completely clean his room by himself but he can do most of it without prodding. We put pictures on some of his bins so he knows what goes in them. That really helped him. He also vacuums the living room and is in charge of feeding the cat twice a day. Oh, and putting his dishes in the sink.
Both kids really like to "help Mom" and so I try to find ways they can help me with tasks so they will be more apt to do them when they get older. Even if it takes me longer to clean now, it's worth it to have kids who aren't lazy little slobbos! :)]]>
Leah…you know I agree with you…most kids an parents nowadays call those things they “make” their children do and most pay them for chores…Me…I call them LIFESKILLS and they are part of living their lives as part of our family…and they will appreciate them later in life, when they know who to cook, clean and take care of themselves and the things around them and their friends are all struggling…ask me how I know…Kaitlyn is off on her own now at Tech school and doing really well…just misses having a Kitchen to cook in…how well did I do?
< ![CDATA[My husband and I talk about this exact subject all the time and we applaud you for your efforts. There are nowhere near enough parents that teach their children how to be productive and contributing members of society. Probably why our society is going to hell in a handbasket :)
Keep up the good work!!]]>
Your mother passed on some wise truths to you. I never really thought about it as learning lifeskills, but that’s exactly what it is.
< ![CDATA[Love the idea of focusing on the things that will last a lifetime! Our 13 yr. old has been doing his own laundry for about 3 years now...and that came about because he had no respect for me doing it...he would put clean clothes in the laundry just because it was easier than hanging things up. His basket was always full in 2-3 days. I think it's time to get my girls on that chore soon.
Our kids don't get an allowance. They can earn money if they want to do extra chores, but not until the "because you are part of a family and have responsibilities" chores are done!]]>
I may be a little late to this game but i’m in the process of teaching my boys ages 9 and 15 to do their own laundry. They’ve been helping with dishes, housework and cleaning up for years now. It’s good for ALL of us!
< ![CDATA[I'm definitely pro-chores and responsibility.
At 4, my son already does quite a bit around the house and is generally pretty happy to do it. In return, he gains privledges like time online or on our Wii. He knows it works both ways.
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Since I started the nursing program, we have taught all three of our boys to do laundry (age 6, 9, and 11) and they do it very well! I make sure to take out my own clothes when the dryer dings, but they do everything else. That, and on M/W/F they take turns vacuuming. It’s changed my life and they can hardly do it wrong. I struggle with them cleaning the bathroom or windows, cuz usually it looks worse when they’re done, but we’ll get there.
Leah, I’d love to know what chores you have Maggie doing. My DD just turned 6 so I think it’s time for her to have her own chores to contribute to the family, but I’m not sure what is really age-appropriate for her so I’m looking for some suggestions. All I have so far is emptying the silverware in the dishwasher, but I know she can do more than that!
SO needed to hear this today as I am feeling very overwhelmed today. I have six littles 9 on down to infant. We’ve taught chores from the beginning and only one of my children is good at it. The rest all have what I call the “lazy” gene and despise chores. We’ve tried all the tricks but the part you said that sticks out the most is I am spreading myself thin trying to get habits started or implementing systems. Now I have a refocused long term aim. Very helpful!
< ![CDATA['What a horrible mother you are denying your children their childhood' is what is said to me EVERY TIME someone around here finds out the kids have jobs (we call them jobs). I've been verbally harassed by "friends" of the family and it REALLY annoys me. I look at my kids 12,10 and 3 and see that even my youngest has more skills than my brother and bil. I was raised to clean & such but my brother wasn't. Seeing as we were raised in the same environment by the same people and there's a 17month difference I believe it's the jobs that have me established as a parent with a home, family, income and various others. My brother...still hasn't gotten it together and it's sad.
The other day at Cosi, I watched my children interacting with the various volunteers, the science items and it was glaringly obvious the difference. They use manners, are respectful, helped clean up since they were closing in only a few minutes, were just being productive citizens where as so many children were acting like animals. And, the REALLY sad thing is you'd think that with financial gain children and their parents would encourage respect, taking care of items but the more affluent looking individuals were the WORST. I'd say 'the maid' is cleaning up and the family has NO lifeskills.
As the kids finished straightening up a volunteer came up to us and said there had NEVER been anyone help her clean up. She recommended the kids become volunteers, wrote down her name and said she's one of the people who write letters of recommendation for college. It tickled me so very much and just blew away the snarky comments of family and friends especially when she said, 'I could tell they were being raised with chores. I asked your daughter how long she had been doing chores and she said since she was a baby. She pointed to your little one who was sorting the bolts and said, 'We started out like Sunshine did...folding washcloths and socks, making our beds and cutting up salad. Now we can do laundry, cook, clean and organize the pantry. We still can't do the cable code though.' (Apparently having access to parental locks on cable is a big thing to them.)
I'm glad I'm a horrible mom. 'Cause if being a horrible mom means MY KID will be more successful, independent, organized, self sufficient and happy then please, tatoo it to my chest.
By the way...it's really nice to see other horrible moms. You're a wonderful mom in my opinion and I think your kids are lucky to have you. :)
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Good parenting there. A lot of parents need to learn from you.
Good post. Teaching kids responsibility is not an easy thing. I also need some advice on this. Anyone helps me.