Life as Lou

But. . .How Did It Get In There?

  • February 16, 2009 9:27 pm

A few weeks ago the kids and I were sitting by the computer and I mentioned that I was having contractions. Jonas needed an explanation and so I brought up and online image of "your pregnancy this week". The kids and I had a quick anatomy lesson where I explained the umbilical cord, the placenta and how the uterus contracted to squeeze the baby out. They were enthralled, and both asked where the baby comes out. I did my best to show them on the picture and on myself the general area that the baby delivered through. Jonas immediately hollered, "Your butt!" In silly six year old horror and mirth.

I explained that, no, there was another hole down there called a vagina and that was were babies come out. I also mentioned that only girls have them. Jonas considered this for a second before asking, "But Mom, where does a baby come out of me?”

“Babies don’t come out of you, Jonas. Only girls have babies. You really dodged a bullet there, son.”

—-

The questions relating to how the baby gets out didn’t phase me in the least; it was an hour later while driving in rush hour traffic that the subject of how the baby got in there came up. I tried to be quick on my feet with the barrage of pointed questions that Jonas was throwing at me. Because he is only six years old (not to mention his four year old sister was hanging on every word), I figured sex really didn’t need to come into play here. He wanted to know about the baby, not the penis, so I opted to leave that entire part of the story out for a few more years.

I told him that all girls have eggs and that when a Mommy and Daddy decide to have a baby they grow one of those eggs into a person. I told him that the egg gets bigger and bigger and grows arms and legs and hair and fingernails and reminded him of the umbilical cord and placenta and the pictures he had seen. This was all fine and well, but he continued to ask questions that were increasingly difficult to navigate without using more scientific terms or diving head first into a full blown lecture on sex. For twenty minutes he threw question after question at me asking for detailed explanations about how this baby grew, and just what exactly we did to make him start growing and how would Maggie have a baby someday and what did people do if they wanted twins. . .my head was spinning and I was starting to sweat!

I was at the freeway on ramp when all of this interrogation came to a head. I was out of reasonable, six year old explanations and feeling like quite the flustered idiot when Jonas launched one more very loaded question my direction.

“AND MOM”, he practically yelled.

“Yes?” I cringed.

“WHY IS PLUTO NO LONGER A PLANET!? What is the deal with that?”

He had no idea why I busted up laughing. ]]>

23 Comments

  1. Kara says:

    Ha Ha:) That was cute…

  2. Elda says:

    < ![CDATA[We are horrible when it comes to this subject. DH told the kid that the doctor takes the baby out with MAGIC GLOVES that allow him to go through my skin without tearing it or leaving a scar.

    When my third kid was born, we told them that the doctor had told us the baby was ready to be born, and could we please pick her up at the hospital where she was waiting for us? They totally bought it and to this day my second child will bring up the story about how they went to go "pick out" their sister and decide on what to name her. She ends her story with, "And I called her Emma." Sweet, no?

    ROFL. HORRIBLE. JUST HORRIBLE.]]>

  3. Zarah says:

    < ![CDATA[ROFLMBO!!
    He's awesome!!]]>

  4. Aleta says:

    Well my girls are convinced Jesus put the baby in there. DH had a vasectomy, and our 3 girls wanted a baby brother. We told them Mommy and Daddy can’t have any more babies, maybe if you want a baby brother you should pray to Jesus for one. And they did… for three whole months… and then I started feeling sick… due next month! LOL!

  5. Sarah says:

    Oh my, what a finale!

  6. Susana O says:

    Oh my goodness, this post has to be the funniest I’ve read. Boy, did it bring back memories of when my girls were very young. I’m still laughing at the ending. I love your blog!!!

  7. Sanisi says:

    < ![CDATA[Aww. I love that kid - he's so clever.

    (I still don't get the Pluto thing. Does that mean we only have 8 planets?)]]>

  8. Jennifer H says:

    LOL! I love that story! Sounds just like my little boy. I remember starting with a question about wind and next thing I knew I was trying to explain jet streams and convection currants to a 5 year old. So now after I think I’ve explained things well enough, we just tell him “because that’s the way God made it” and he’s happy.

  9. Oh, thank you so much for sharing. I really needed the laugh. And you did a fabulous job explaining.

  10. Wow–he’s not the only one who dodged a bullet! When my sister was pregnant with her daughter, my 5-yr old nephew had similar questions. Even though he finally understood the idea of the baby coming out of mommy and the general area of her body where this would occur, he still didn’t quite get the picture. He imaged that she’d sit down one day and the baby would shoot out, and for weeks he practiced standing with his arms out, ready to catch the baby. He’d say “Now, mummy” and run across the room like a football player waiting to catch a pass. :)

  11. Jules says:

    ….the best part of being a Mom is when your children make you laugh!

  12. Erika M says:

    OH MY – I’m totally laughing! You got love kids and all of their questions. One my students asked me a question about a STD and I asked why they wanted to know – the student’s response was I heard on the radio that so and so gave it to so and so.

  13. Dianna Torgersen says:

    Oh dear…sounds like Jonas is too smart for his age :) I hope Sam doesn’t ask all those questions next time…he was easy to answer last time, not too insistent….yikes- way to go- and what an ending!!!

  14. elaine says:

    Aren’t kids great! My oldest has always had the inquiring mind. I don’t remember how old she was, but we were also driving and she wanted to know exactly how the baby got out. Quickly thinking, I responded-the birth canal. That worked for awhile until more inquiring mind questions started again. Why is it they always ask in the car?

  15. teresa says:

    fantastic..out of the mouth of babes…have loved reading your blog…hope that baby arrives today..its the 18th!!…hugs Teresa x

  16. Anna Sigga says:

    < ![CDATA[ROTFL!!!!!
    Kids are the greatest!!!!]]>

  17. Heather A. says:

    You have adorable kids! :) By the way, isn’t it D-day? :) Fingers crossed for ya!

  18. Christine S. says:

    < ![CDATA[It is the 18th today and I am hoping that you managed to last until today...here is wishing you a quick labour today (even though you have been labouring forever already!). It is my birthday today...so the 18th is a good one!!
    Keeping my fingers crossed and looking forward to hearing the good baby news soon!!]]>

  19. Mom2Seven says:

    < ![CDATA[My four-year-old asked if he could see the hole the baby comes out--um, no. We just tell our kids that Heavenly Father is sending a baby. That's how the baby got there. (Until they are old enough, anyway).

    When I had my first baby, my three-year-old nephew and his adopted little sister were asking why my tummy was so big. We explained there was a baby in there. He walked over to me, suddenly lifted my maternity shirt, and said, "Where?" After all, they just picked up his little sister. No big tummy involved.]]>

  20. Caroline says:

    Your post was hilarious. I came to the blog for the scrapbooking and stayed for the stories. I just had to put a link to this post on my blog!

  21. I love to read your blog. I remember I found it when I was pregnant with my last baby: more than 2 years ago. I keep coming back for the great photos and hilarious stories. :) Tereza

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