In Which I Most Certainly Will NOT Include A Photo
I love my mother dearly.
I also love her mother, my strong, sharp, flippin’ hilarious grandmother, who I sometimes miss so much I can’t breathe.
And today I was thinking about something that happened with them back when Jonas was just barely one year old- that’s almost nine years ago, people.
There is the most beautiful beach in Pacifica, CA. It is about a mile away from another nice, but super crowded beach that I liked to go walking on in what now seems like a past life. Chris was trying to take me to the second beach when we stopped too early and found the first beach. There are about a hundred old wooden steps down from the highway to this very secluded, very private beach, nestled between two cliffs. It is picture perfect, serene, and utterly unspoiled- and there is almost never anyone there.
That’s because it’s a clothing-optional beach.
So, with this information, I couldn’t help but take my mother on a little trip over there when she visited. Because- there was never anyone there when we visited before, and it was truly lovely, and wouldn’t it be so fun to watch my mom’s face when I told her what kind of beach she was at? Never miss an opportunity to shock your mama- especially if you are really pretty straitlaced and not very shocking at all, like my goodie two shoes self. I don’t get a whole lot of opportunities to see my mom’s eyebrows jump all the way to her hairline.
So down the stairs we went, me, mom and my baby boy, all the way to the bottom, and we were rewarded for our efforts because, indeed, it was as perfectly pristine as remembered.
And then Mr. Naked As A Jaybird walked around the corner of the cliff.
Cue MY eyebrows hitting my hairline, and my mother giggling at MY expression (I honestly don’t know why I try).
Well, this guy was awfully naked. All he had on was a floppy hat covering his balding head. I have no idea why he bothered with that cap. I’d be considerably more worried about a sunburned willy than skin cancer on my ears, but what do I know? The guy wasn’t anything special to view in the nude, but also not disgusting, and it was, after all, the kind of beach where guys go when they have a thing for airing out their privates, so not really all that shocking. So, I figured- well, what the heck. Why let one wanker ruin a perfectly good beach trip?
We continued to enjoy our afternoon, snapping a few pictures, taking in the ocean lapping at the shoreline, and watching (because we really had no choice, and honestly, how can you NOT look), at this guy meandering around the beach, with his dopey Gilligan hat on, sand between his toes and heaven only knows where else, and his Johnson flying at what can only be described as. . .half mast. At least, for his sake, I hope it was half mast.
It was a great day for a few beach pictures, and since my mother and I just can’t help ourselves when it comes to photo-taking, we had to bring out the camera and get a few cute shots of me and my little boy, and grandma at the beach, waves hitting the shoreline, the beautiful cliffs.
Figuring that I could still have the last laugh, I took the camera and with great stealth and deception, I pretended to take a picture of my very nice family members, but instead- I took a picture of our nude friend. With my mother’s camera. And I didn’t tell her about it.
This was not a digital camera.
I can only imagine what the North Dakota developer thought when he processed my mother’s California vacation photos.
She picked up the photos on the way to meet my grandmother for lunch, flipped through the stack and was shocked. Mission accomplished.
Then she intentionally put the naked guy back into the pile of respectable vacation memories, sat down with Grandma for lunch and handed her the stack of photos. (Certain traits seem to be genetic.)
Well, Grandma was having a great time remarking on the cuteness of the baby, the pretty daughter and grand daughter, the picturesque beach. . .and then she yelped, pressed the photos to her chest to hide them from view, and looked around wildly to see if anyone saw that she was looking at dirty pictures in the middle of a restaurant.
It is one of my deepest regrets that I was not there to see this.
My mom said they both had a good laugh over it. Then they mailed me a copy of the picture.
To this day I can’t picture it without giggling.
Funny! Love it!
that is the most awesome story i’ve ever heard!!!!
hahahaahaaa
Catching up on your blog after much to long of a hiatus! Just hilarious. I miss my grandma, too. There is nothing like matriarch humor.
I sure am glad this was a picture-less post. Good call there. Laughing away………
hahahahah that’s a funny story!
So I have a question, would you take your Dad to that beach? Also you failed to mention what you and your Mother were, or were not wearing yourselves. By the way your mothers part in the story does not surprise me a bit.
omg, this is funny as hell. Made me laugh so hard, I have tears. lmao.